15 1 / 2013
15 1 / 2013
Everything about him makes me miss him and I feel so confused. I just wish that everything could go back to how it should be. How it was ages ago. Now everything is just sad and I dont want it to be. I wish we could all be a big weird family. All four of us happy together. But you probably won’t do that. Someone save me because I am in over my head and I can’t find any air. I’m drowning can’t you see me. Do you even care to. I miss your touch, your kiss, your voice. Everything. Just please, please. Let this work out. For once, just once I would like to be happy too. Just this time let you come home and me not have to run away. I don’t care anymore what the family says. But can you accept All of me. Every inch. Are you willing to work things out. Disadvantages of the past are that I found more than one of you again. But you were my strongest but now that I have them too I can’t just hurt them. Please…..listen and I plea to whatever goddess that will listen to please let this work…..I want him back so badly
12 1 / 2013
"My body is an electronic virgin. I incorporate no silicon chips, no retinal or cochlear implants, no pacemaker. I don’t even wear glasses (though I do wear clothes). But I am slowly becoming more and more a Cyborg. So are you. Pretty soon, and still without the need for wires, surgery or bodily alterations, we shall be kin to the Terminator, to Eve 8, to Cable…just fill in your favorite fictional Cyborg. Perhaps we already are. For we shall be Cyborgs not in the merely superficial sense of combining flesh and wires, but in the more profound sense of being human-technology symbionts: thinking and reasoning systems whose minds and selves are spread across biological brain and non-biological circuitry."
10 1 / 2013
I find it absolutely frustrating when you try to help someone and they refuse to let you in…especially if you are dating and they say they love you. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it
25 9 / 2012
I HATE LIFE ATM!I cannot win and I am so very very VERY sick of things going wrong. I feel like going and dying in a fucking corner somewhere! I have to censor almost everything in my life and i finally get the opportunity to doTHE ONE FUCKING THING I HAVE WANTED TO DO MY ENTIRE LIFEand of course the information comes too little too late. I have been turned down by several jobs and all i need is one! Just fucking one!! I got fired because I was trying to find a goddamn ride home!! thats why!! Cuz I had to make sure I was not left alone for too long in this fuckin hood that is my side of town!!! On top of that my trailer is fallin the fuck apart and no one will do anything about it. I fall asleep to domestic disputes loud music and gunshots. I am getting fat oh and my entire fuckin leg is goin to shit and I may have to undergo fuckin surgery AGAIN. Pleaaaase something go right!!!????? I just want to bawl my fuckin eyes out
19 9 / 2012
I still sleep with the teddies you gave me because I am frightened and scared to let go. I still cling to them like I used to you. I still wake up screaming and shaking in the middle of the night, for a second I hear your voice and then its gone. I still breakdown and collapse in on myself and you aren’t there to pick me up anymore. Because of everything until the apocalypse comes, you won’t be there. SoI will cling to my teddy and sit awake shaking until I am able to stop the tears and calm myself enough to sleep again or find something to occupy my time. And I will sit there and stare at the blades until the urge to grab and slash has gone away. I will down the next bottle and reset everything in my mind and try to push on with my life. I will look for comfort in the few things I can find. Not I am not sane, haven’t been for a very long time. But I will stitch up the seams of my costume until the show has ended. Until the day the end comes and then i will shed this facade and become the creature I am with glee. But until then we must survive and take measures we can to make it to the next day. I love you Daddy but like you have always told me, we have to at least seem like one of them until that day.Together I cannot seem that person, together my seams gash open and everyone flees or wants to lock me away. Please, don’t make this worse. Lets just be what we are until we can be who we are.
18 9 / 2012